| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes |
| 1. |
Go Fuck Myself
| 9:40.0 | M | 46 | Tecate, from can | trailed/drafted until the fourth beer |
| 2. |
dr. Slow Ride
| 9:52.0 | M | 46 | Budweiser, from can | swallowed own puke at start of lap 3 to avoid penalty, 6th consecutive calendar month with a Beer Mile completion |
| 3. |
Granny Panties
| 11:38.0 | M | 41 | Coors Light, from can | co-host of the r@ce |
| 4. |
Klitty Litter
| 13:41.0 | F | 69 | vodka and juice, from cup | I don't think she's really that old |
| 5. |
Scooby In A Bottle
| 19:0.0 | M | 30 | Beast Light, from can | first Beer Mile, unsuccessful in challenging others to rematch that evening |