| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes |
| 1. |
Jacksonian
| 6:50.0 | M | 20 | Miller High Life, from can | Confident from a 1200 time trial 2 nights before that ended in running from the popo, first time finishing |
| 2. | Blojo | 7:20.0 | M | 20 | Miller High Life, from can | First off the chug |
| 3. | Senor Jeffe | 8:1.0 | M | 21 | Miller High Life, from can | |
| 4. | The Wagon | 9:56.0 | M | 19 | Miller High Life, from can | |
| 5. | K Junks | 10:11.0 | M | 19 | Miller High Life, from can | Might have warmed up too hard |
| 6. | The Train | 10:12.0 | M | 21 | ??, from can | |
| 7. | Hot Mess Express | 11:47.0 | F | 21 | Miller High Life, from can | First female, ran a penalty lap for frecking |
| 8. | Birthday Cakes | 12:53.0 | M | 20 | Miller High Life, from can | Might have puked |
| 9. |
Brian "The Bear"
| 12:55.0 | M | 20 | Miller High Life, from can | Might have puked |
| 10. | Spill "The Thrill" | 18:5.0 | F | 21 | Miller High Life, from can | tie |
| 11. | MacGreuber | 18:5.0 | F | 19 | Miller High Life, from can | tie |
| 12. | Young Megz | 18:5.0 | F | 18 | Miller High Life, from can | tie |
| 13. | Banhana "And" Rails | DNF | F | | Miller High Life, from can | ran as a pair, spilled beer, threw up, made a bunch of noise, and might not have finished |
| 14. | Molls "Gets" Balls | DNF | F | | Miller High Life, from can | ?? |