| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes | |
| 1. | Kyle "that guy" Ward | 9:01.0 | M | 18 | natural ice, from can | warm beer, ran after 6 warm capri suns and 2 bowls full of pasta salad |
| 2. | Sean "earn it" Hearn | 10:19.0 | M | 19 | natural ice, from can | just got off work, did not warm up |
| 3. | Chris "the body" McCarthy | 11:41.0 | M | 16 | natural ice, from can | does not run at all |
| 4. | Dan "the bitch" Carroll | DNF | M | 16 | natural ice, from can | is the gayest bitch ever |
