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| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes | |
| 1. | Krusty the Meat Miser | 7:2.0 | M | 32 | Pabst Blue Ribbon | |
| 2. | Goat Throat | 12:6.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | penalty lap | |
| 3. | Goes Down on Buoys | 12:52.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 4. | +2 Coonass | 14:33.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 5. | Horse's Ass | 15:26.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 6. | Bring Out the Gimp | 19:12.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 7. | Blubber Fucker | 19:45.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | penalty lap | |
| 8. | The Buttler Hit It | 23:51.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 9. | Giggles Gulps and Gags | 23:59.0 | F | Pabst Blue Ribbon | penalty lap | |
| 10. | Harlot Globe Fondler | 25:36.0 | F | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 11. | Yellow Dick Gnome | 31:45.0 | F | Pabst Blue Ribbon | ||
| 12. | Wikipedophilia | 37:37.0 | M | Pabst Blue Ribbon |
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