5th Annual Spring K-W BM (Ontario Championships)
Waterloo, ON
2006-04-01

Conditions: Cloudy, 4C, Windchill -1C, NW 24km/h gusting to 41km/h

Official Race Site

created by user mullet

NameTimeSex Age  Beer Notes
1. Mike "Mullet B. Miler" Logue   5:54.9  M24Carling Black Label, from can  PB & Record (sub-6)
2. Dave "Hutch-EZ" Hutchinson   6:01.7  M24Labatt 50 / Molson Canadian, from can  PB, breaks previous record
3. Adam Lalonde   6:37.5  M24Labatt Genuine Draft, from can  Former champ
4. Scott "The Snake" Arnald   6:39.8  M24Molson Export, from can  PB
5. Colin "CAW-LON" Lawrence   7:05.3  M21Labatt 50 / Molson Canadian, from can  PB
6.Christopher "Moults" Moulton  7:30.7  M24Labatt Crystal, from can  Top Outside Competition
7.Ken McAlpine  7:37.0  M34Chocolate Milk  Rookie, facility milk record!
8. Mark Linseman   7:42.8  M21Carling Black Label / Lakeport Pilsner, from can  Borrowed beer
9. Steve "The Doctor" Formaneck   8:18.4  M26Chocolate Milk  Milk rookie, Breaks previous record
10. Emie "Monsoon" Ukwuoma   8:33.0  M21Labatt Genuine Draft, from can  PB, 1st sprinter
11.Katie "Ladyk" Horricks  8:50.0  F18Canadian, from can  Rookie, womens record (solo 4-beer)
12. Dustin "Double D" Doan   8:59.5  M23Schlitz, from can  1st race of the year
13.Heather "Hutch's Date" Austin  9:00.0  F23Stella Artois, from can  1st womens 3-beer
14. Kevin "Smith" Smith   9:01.9  M24Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, from can  Dated & shitty?
15.Rob "Barkie" Bark  9:59.7  M18Chocolate Milk  Rookie, breaks previous milk record
16.Dan "Captain Obvious" Ritz  10:01.0  M19Canadian, from can  Rookie, top mens b-mile debut
17. Toni Carlisle   10:33.7  F21Moosehead, from can  Rookie, female bronze in debut
18.Adam Asquini  10:45.5  M21Labatt Genuine Draft, from can  Rookie
19. Kirk "Saskapoon" Ewen   10:50.8  M21Chocolate Milk  PB, previous milk champ
20.Ian Carswell  11:00.5  M30Canadian, from can  
21.Mike Neilly  11:08.2  M22Moosehead, from can  Rookie, top male skier
22. Shane "Captain Canoon" Ferth   11:11.1  M25Lakeport Pilsner, from can  Fastest penalty lap (60s)
23.Cleve Thorson  12:17.4  M25Labatt Crystal, from can  Rookie?
24. Drew "Apple Picker" Haynes   12:17.6  M23Canadian, from can  Drunken dash winner (11.8s)
25. Andrea Dupont   12:20.5  F25Chocolate Milk  Female milk champ
26.Joel Sanderi  12:37.4  M23Moosehead, from can  Rookie, international representation
27. Paulo Monte   13:13.8  M26Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, from can  Warm up for Toronto
28. Ryan "Polkaroo" Wight   14:18.6  M19Canadian, from can  PB, 1st jumper
29.Andrew Lahey  15:19.8  M19Canadian, from can  Rookie
30. Karen Belfall   15:41.0  F18Labatt Blue, from can  Rookie, game-time switch to beer
31.Ian MacKinnon  16:48.3  M23Moosehead, from can  Rookie
32.Colleen "Cooleener" Forde  17:50.6  F20Schlitz, from can  Rookie
33.Greg "Another Hutch" Hutchinson  17:50.8  M23Labatt Crystal, from can  Rookie? Slowest fastest runner
34. Andrew "Andy Mac" MacDonald   18:31.8  M21Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, from can  Best male puke
35.Sarah "Captain Buns" Snable  19:56.3  F24Labatt Blue, from can  PB
36. Surabhi Venkatesh   21:57.9  F19Moosehead, from can  PB
37. Andrea "Midgy #3" Cousineau   DNF  F20Carling Black Label, from can  Stopped after last beer
38. Laura "Midget #1" Sardone   DNF  F21Carling Black Label, from can  Fall champ, stopped after last beer!
39.Alex MacDonald  DNF  M20Schlitz, from can  Stopped at beer 4
40. Tiffany Duncan   DNF  F21Labatt Blue, from can  Stopped at beer 2
41. Colin Rhodes   DNF  M21Chocolate Milk  Stopped after lap 2
42.Steve Kristensen  DNF  M21Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, from can  Stopped at beer 2
43.Brianne Deputter  DNF  F21Labatt Blue, from can  Stopped at beer 1
44.Coel Findlay  DNF  M20Lakeport Pilsner, from can  DQ - Bottles & Cans / spill
45.Nathan Palmer  DNF  M19Canadian, from can  DQ - Bottles & Cans mixed (Corona)
46. Kate Bickle   DNF  F21Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, from can  DQ - Traded beers/poured out
47.Maddy Noble  DNF  F21Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale, from can  DQ - Traded beers/poured out



Race Notes:

This past Saturday, elite and extensive self-destruction and debauchery wreaked itself upon a black oval deep in the heart of south-western Ontario.

In the weeks heading up to the 5th annual spring KW BM, talk and invitations spread like wildfire. It came to a point where every Ontario institution and contender worth its running salt received news of the impending apocalypse. There was no choice but to crown the event the provincial championships... or perhaps the worlds?

This race was also dubbed the retirement party for one Mullet B. Miler, due to his varsity graduation. Much like the fall edition where he took gold but fell short of the record, this mullet had big plans and made it no secret: Sub-6 or broke. Many others issued threats, but only a few had the ability to push the tight short-long.

One such contender, HutchEZ of the home team, made a statement very early, taking the first lead with a commanding 9 second beer. His lead did not last long as the long-maned crooked-neck blasted off a 60s first quarter. The two top dawgs continued to trade leads like this in exciting fashion, as per their individual specialization, until the final intervals. The last beer was slammed back convincingly by both heavy weights, and they emerged from the fourth and final exchange zone in unison for the first time. This is when the muleteer™ maximized his running advantage, and pulled away to yet another BM title.

This title was the sweetest of all though, as the mullet crossed the line in a meet record of 5:54.9. The most daunting of beer mile barriers had been shattered by over 5 seconds, as he posted a 10 second personal best. Pending approval, the mullet becomes the 7th fastest b-miler of all-time. Not to be outdone, HutchEZ crossed the line a mere stroke past the barrier, under the previous record and in a new PB of 6:01.7. This was sweet vengeance for Hutch, who's ego had taken a beating in the traditional predictions leading up to the race.

A record number of participants followed Mullet B. Miler and HutchEZ to b-mile stardom. 47 participants squeezed themselves onto the 8 lanes, of which 36 legitimately finished. The first of which was former champ and recent long distance convert Adam:L, who made the pilgrimage to represent Northern Ontario and was rewarded with the bronze. As a result, Adam bumped Scott the Snake out of the medals for virtually the first time all year. Despite less time to prepare for the event due to international commitments, the Snake nearly struck, closing in with a PB of 6:39 behind Adam's 6:37. Rounding out the top-6 B-milers were Caw-lon with a huge PB of 7:05, followed by a tnfnorth founding father in 7:30.

In the next overall position was another meet record, as Ken McA destroyed 2 litres of chocolate milk and a mile in 7:37. This acceptable non-alcoholic derivative to the b-mile is not only getting faster but growing exponentially in participation.

The women's race featured a return to respectability for KW women. BM rookie Katie took training to heart and crushed the previous meet record of 9:23. Her time of 8:50 has even more merit considering she moved up to 4-beer, and was the only female to do so.

Every record conceivable appears to have been smashed: Mens and womens records, milk mile record, participation records. Will beer miling ever be the same again with our provincial hosts? Will today's hero return to one day run and drink 4-beer again? Only time will tell...





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