| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes |
| 1. |
Rob "Champ" Kitz
| 7:39.0 | M | 20 | Keith's, from can | Took it on the last lap |
| 2. |
Chris "Lightweight" Hartman
| 7:41.0 | M | 21 | Lonestar, from can | Lost it on the last lap |
| 3. | Braden "I'm Trashed" Novakowski | 10:23.0 | M | 20 | Lucky, from can | Good mile form |
| 4. |
Jared "The Bear" Thomson
| 10:33.0 | M | 21 | Steeler, from can | Just out of the medals |
| 5. | Shawn "Pussy" Bowen | 10:45.0 | M | 21 | Lakeport, from can | Drunk nurse |
| 6. |
Chris "Slut" Brens
| 12:12.0 | M | 20 | Lucky, from can | Puked |
| 7. | Javin "Naive Rookie" Sissons | 13:8.0 | M | 18 | Canadian, from can | Ran in jeans |
| 8. |
Ashley "Ashbash" Perry
| 13:13.0 | M | 23 | Lonestar, from can | What a gay nickname |
| 9. |
Travis "Governor of Givin'er" Cummings
| 15:34.0 | M | 21 | Lucky, from can | Terrible race, couldn't hold her down |
| 10. | Celia "Upchuck" Peters | 17:5.0 | F | 18 | Canadian, from can | Top female, puked upon finish |
| 11. | Laura "Fast" Andrighetti | 17:21.0 | F | 21 | Canadian, from can | Good outing |
| 12. | Stephanie "Fabolous" King | DNF | F | | Canadian, from can | Hard outing |
| 13. | Nick "Sultan of Sway" Esterbauer | DNF | M | | Busch, from can | |
| 14. |
Pierre "Stiks" Landry
| DNF | M | | Yankee Jim Honey Lager, from can | |
| 15. | Darryl "Rattlesnake" Blackport | DNF | M | | Canadian, from can | |