1st Annual LA/Long Beach Hash Beermile
CSU Long Beach

Conditions: Abundant sunshine, highs in the upper 80s

Official Race Site

created by user horses_ass

NameTimeSex Age  Beer Notes
1.X-LAX "X"   8:19.0  M36Full Sail, from bottle  First Beermile, Top 100 finish, likely drunk upon arrival
2.Ididarod "ID"   9:15.0  M38Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Dark Horse, borrowed proper beer, First Beermile
3.Barney Stubble "BS"   9:36.0  M40Coors Gold, from can  Vomited more times than Karen Carpenter (CSU alumnus), blew out track spike, penalty
4.Sin D Bare "SDB"   9:44.0  M43Pabst Blue Ribbon, from can  Ran shoeless w/ stupid cow hat
5. Titty Bear "TB"   10:05.0  M41Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Most Improved of the veteran beermilers
6. First Period "FP"   10:43.0  F35Budweiser, from bottle  1st Female, no restroom breaks
7. Damian the AntiChrist "DtAC"   10:43.0  M50Pabst Blue Ribbon, from can  Looked pretty in yellow
8. Horse's Ass "HA"   11:19.0  M28Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Magic sweatband didnt help (wrecked motorcycle day prior)
9. Blows My Mind "BMM"   11:26.0  F30Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Looked hot, nice socks
10.Ignorant F "IF"   11:40.0  M41Budweiser, from bottle  Loudest Chunder, penalty
11.Just Joe "Dont Mess w/ Texas"   12:08.0  M45Budweiser, from can  From Texas, but still nice guy
12.Fish Lips "FL"   12:20.0  F48MGD / PBR, from can  Ran w/ twin daughters
13. Damian the AntiChrist "DtAC"   12:20.0  M50MGD / PBR, from can  Only beermile double header (23:03)
14.Whaleboner "WB"   12:47.0  M38Budweiser, from bottle  The best the OC could muster
15.Captain Hook "CH"   14:07.0  M52Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Sprinted to finish, then passed out in car
16.Howdy Do Me "Howdy"   16:30.0  M43Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Completed first handstand beer 40m
17.Just Say No to Crack "Crack"   17:11.0  M42Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Could do much better with the queensmile
18.Chewcaca "Chewy"   19:29.0  M29Pabst Blue Ribbon, from can  Hurled PBR while his wife/kids looked on, penalty
19.Pillsbury Blow Boy "PBB"   21:42.0  M35Natural Ice, from can  5.9% alcohol ber overshadowed by nancyboy race walking
20.Tweedle Me "TM"   DNF  F37Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Stick to breast feeding
21. 4H "4H"   DNF  M34Miller Genuine Draft, from can  Late scratch, food poisoning

Race Notes:

Months and months of physical and mental preparation all came down to Saturday afternoon at the California State University Long Beach Campus Beermile, hosted by the Los Angeles & Long Beach Hash House Harriers. Saturdays running of the beermile brought the largest turnout in Southern California history, with a field comprised of track and field legends, competitive racewalkers and professional drinkers alike.

The beermile started promptly at 11 am, which of course meant that by hashtime, we got under way right around noon. Some speculated that the lack of shadows during the run could provide a weight advantage during the run, others were focused on proper stretching so as not to pull a hammy, while others jockeyed for position in the transition area. Due to the size of the field and the late arrivals, the officials elected to go with three heats, with FL running the final heat solo with her daughters, while DtAC performed the often imitated never duplicated double beermile.

Heat one presented 6 first time beermilers and one veteran. Their results can only be described as potential lost. What did they expect? What could they expect? As the veterans looked on with cocked eyebrows at the sight of track spikes and split shorts, the gun went off and the beers were cracked! BS took an early lead, only to chunder every 100 m of the second lap followed by chunder after chunder until there could be nothing left to chunder. After the smoke cleared on BSs penalty lap, he still posted an excellent time! IF, a clear favorite for the gold based on his elite track status (circa 1973), was well in the lead at the bell lap, but suddenly and unexpectedly puked in the transition area (the chunder heard round the world). It took all the courage he had left to finish his beer, lap and finally penalty lap.

Heat two, comprised of both first timers, veterans and late comers, set the stage for a new track record. With the first heat over with and the chundering rampant, it was difficult for the beermilers to keep the even first beer down, but they pressed on. X got off to a slow start, but came on strong in the final quarters to end up shattering the track record of 99:99, and posting a top 100 (age group) time! Most improved awards go out to TB and FP after improving to sub 11 minute times with less than 2 weeks training. Most unimproved awards go out to BMM and HA for training the most leading up to todays event and failing to post a PR, given the excellent conditions/track. DtAC earned recognition for running the first ever Double Header-ed Beermile, and giggling like a school girl afterwards. EMTs were summonded to the race site after CH passed out following his heroic sprint to the finish line, but not to fear, he was all right; he just needed to puke (in his car). Honorable mention goes out to 4H for putting in his work on the track but came down with a gnarly case of food poisoning the night before. We will see you in heaven, 4H, if we ever get there. Excellent race to all those who participated and big ups for those who lent their time and support to make this beermile a giant success!

After the beermile, the athletes took refuge from the heat at a local watering hole to ponder the days events, discuss politics, the great pumpkin, and other worldy issues over frosty malt beverages.

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