| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes |
| 1. |
Owen "Rider" Shott
| 6:29.0 | M | 27 | Coors, from can | as sweets said in reference to sexual chocalate: "Damn that boy good" |
| 2. | Craigerz "Iron" Stoma | 7:20.0 | M | 21 | Budweiser, from can | nice performance but draining 3rd beer would be a plus |
| 3. |
Jo "The Truth" Shott
| 8:33.0 | F | 27 | Budweiser, from can | she's the queen, a vision of perfection, an object of affection |
| 4. |
Rick "Game" Patterson
| 8:40.0 | M | 37 | Budweiser, from can | got "girled" on last lap |
| 5. |
John "Starship" Funk
| 10:28.0 | M | 30 | Budweiser, from can | birthday boy uncorked a respectable debut |
| 6. |
Some "unknown" Dude
| 11:11.0 | M | 28 | Yuenling, from bottle | |
| 7. |
Keith "Calibrator" Poythress
| 12:21.0 | M | 40 | Corona, from can | came correct with racing flats but shoes don't speed up chugging pace |
| 8. | Dan "Itchy" Kitchie | 12:46.0 | M | 28 | Coors, from can | yah yah yah |
| 9. |
James "Lugwrench" Vavrina
| 13:0.0 | M | 30 | Budweiser, from can | this Strider will vie for gold next year |
| 10. |
Brian "Brunson" Doyle
| 16:13.0 | M | 23 | Budweiser, from can | say what you will, but a pr is a pr |
| 11. | Christine "Hoo-hah" Hokha | 16:17.0 | F | 28 | Budweiser, from can | looks so good, should be put on a plate and sopped up with a biscuit |
| 12. |
Ryan "Over Here" Obernier
| 23:25.0 | M | 23 | Budweiser, from can | if chug matched his youth and leg speed a swifter result would have been posted |
| 13. | Luis "Thunderstruck" Rufo | 35:15.0 | M | 25 | Coors, from can | nominated for grammy as "guy hobnobbing with onlookers instead of drinking" on race film |