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| Name | Time | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes | |
| 1. | Robert "50cc" Killmier | 6:37.0 | M | 23 | Tooheys New, from can | Practice makes perfect, and this bloke has had plenty of it! |
| 2. | Ryan "Riley" Cox | 6:47.0 | M | 34 | Tooheys New, from can | Did it for his kids. |
| 3. | Greg "Florence" Nightingale | 8:03.0 | M | 20 | Tooheys New, from can | Who? |
| 4. | Chris "That Guy" Burckhardt | 8:14.0 | M | 27 | Tooheys New, from can | Best in character on the night. Has Thiele's measure to date 2-1. |
| 5. | Michael "Young Gun" Killicoat | 8:26.0 | M | 24 | Tooheys New, from can | Matthew Scarlett would have been appalled with his effort. Big effort to come over from Sydney though. Jet lag?? Pulled the big one later in the night |
| 6. | Simon "Wellness" Thompson | 8:55.0 | M | 27 | Tooheys New, from can | Managed to keep his gear on for this one. |
| 7. | Fiona "Mandela" Hobbs | 11:29.0 | F | 18 | Tooheys New, from can | The envy of female beer milers throughout the land. An impressive debut. |
| 8. | Tim "Skins" Smith | 12:21.0 | M | 19 | Tooheys New, from can | Was striking in his outfit, but not so striking on the track. Good to see some things never change |
| 9. | Shane "The Lep" Thiele | 13:04.0 | M | 31 | Tooheys New, from can | Had the weight of Ireland on his shoulders. Couldn't quite live up to the pre-race hype |
| 10. | Adam "Write a letter" Bishop | 13:30.0 | M | 25 | Tooheys New, from can | Still recovering months later. Hair of the dog bisho. Good to see he iced his achilles after. Soft. |
| 11. | Matt "I luv Youngy" Fallon | 13:50.0 | M | 24 | Tooheys New, from can | Left the Jet ski at home. Could've done with it given the wet track. |
| 12. | Matt "Lactic" Ferber | 13:58.0 | M | 21 | Tooheys New, from can | Arrggh. Doing pirates proud. Well, for the first lap or 2 anyway. |
| 13. | Hayden "Iguana" Cook | 14:13.0 | M | 24 | Tooheys New, from can | Bombed out in the main event, but ran a sub 59sec 400m plus beer some 10mins post event. |
| 14. | Chris "No" Bull | 15:13.0 | M | 22 | Tooheys New, from can | When he lost his hair he must've lost his strength (and beer drinking ability). Perhaps a full body shave next time?? |
| 15. | Matt "Colonel Rangger" Dineen | 15:45.0 | M | 21 | Tooheys New, from can | First rangger home. A good effort. Your people would be proud |
| 16. | Laszlo "Greasey Pole" Dobo | 16:05.0 | M | 20 | Tooheys New, from can | Is this event legal? Perhaps a visit from the cops next year? A 30m pole vault run up is not adequate training for this one |
| 17. | Andrew "Blue Scope" Steele | 16:08.0 | M | 26 | Tooheys New, from can | Best chuck of the night. Will be remembered forever for that alone. |
| 18. | Sophie "Daughter of Nick" Evans | 16:30.0 | F | 17 | Tooheys New, from can | 2nd chick home. 2009 might be her year. |
| 19. | Drew "36er" Sutton | 17:24.0 | M | 28 | Tooheys New, from can | Silky skills with the round ball. No time for that at a beer mile buddy |
| 20. | Toby "club fees" Medlin | 18:52.0 | M | 24 | Tooheys New, from can | The body suit left nothing to the imagination. Apparently Luke liked the look from behind. |
| 21. | Luke "Stoner" Williams | 19:04.0 | M | 29 | Tooheys New, from can | Wrong drugs. |
| 22. | Emma "Climb that" Hill | 22:29.0 | F | 26 | Tooheys New, from can | Impressive debut. Will be back for more in 09. |
| 23. | Paige "is" White | 22:45.0 | F | 20 | Tooheys New, from can | Is possibly still chucking. Will she ever do one of these ever again? |
| 24. | Tony "Symo" Symonds | 25:10.0 | M | 39 | Tooheys New, from can | The veteran of the field. Spent the time to enjoy his 4 malty ales. |
| 25. | Zoe "JFK" Kennedy | 27:27.0 | F | 25 | Tooheys New, from can | May It Last Forever |
| 26. | Mark "Langers" Lange | 34:49.0 | M | 28 | Tooheys New, from can | We're all still recovering from seeing him shirt off late in the event. |
| 27. | Brad "Knows it" Fisk | 78:22.0 | M | 18 | Tooheys New, from can | Clever Under Night Temperatures |
| 28. | Rhett "Horsey" Cook | 78:22.0 | M | 25 | Tooheys New, from can | His performance in an Austin Powers movie was far better than this effort |
| 29. | Emma "Myspace" Dobbin | DNF | F | 18 | Tooheys New, from can | Couldn't quite get the first beer down, but looked the part. |
| 30. | Jodie "Luvs the Iguana" Cook | DNF | F | 25 | Tooheys New, from can | Determined to put in a better showing in 2009. Just quietly, would want to ;-) Everyone's favourite beer miler |