Top Performances Drinking ???
(not following "official" Kingston rules)
| Name (* official) | Time | Location | Race | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes | |
| 1. | Dildo Baggins | 13:30.0 | Sierra Vista, AZ | Company Cock Memorial Beermile III | M | ???, bottle | ||
| 2. | SemperFelinus | 14:47.0 | Bisbee, AZ | 1st Anal Bisbee Beermile | M | ???, can | ||
| 3. | CowLiquor | 16:30.0 | Sierra Vista, AZ | Company Cock Memorial Beermile III | M | ???, can | ||
| 4. | SnatchShot | 18:31.0 | Bisbee, AZ | 1st Anal Bisbee Beermile | M | ???, can | ||
| 5. | Chris "pet name" Petit | DNF | Jacksonville, FL | 2nd Annual Preseason Projectile C... | M | ???, can | oops | |
| 6. | Derek Write | DNF | Middle of Nowhere, OH | 69th Annual Brazzers Bangbus Earl... | M | 23 | ???, bottle | ran 1 lap wearing jeans then dropped out, unattached |
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