Uncle Owie's Birthday Spectacular
Middletown, CT
April 6, 2003

created by user boneyard

Conditions: Cold

Ruleset:

Beer Mile

4 Beers, 4 Laps Stop and Drink, Then Run Full Mile 12oz Beers Open When Drunk 5% Alcohol Beer No Tampering Vomit Penalty Max 4oz Spillage

Name Time Gender Age Beer Notes
1 Owen Kiely 7:37.9 M 19 From Can Miller High Life
2 Zone Hazel 17:44.9 M 21 From Can Miller High Life


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Race Notes:

"With the final howls of the winter season freezing our breath and balzacs, the members of Westech gave a defiant cry towards that springtime staple-- The Beer Mile. 19 years ago today a baby Owen took his first swig of nourishment, and though he now prefers beer to maternal nourishment, a lifetime of imbibing has proven invaluable. With circuit mainstay Oz Hazel (think a la Tom Berenger in Major League 1, 2, but in 3 was too tough and let lil' bitch Scott Bakula take his role ) as his sole competition, Owen denied naysayers with an impressive 7:37.9 showing. With AC as his shadowy pacer on the laps and Moss showing consistent ability on the brews, everyone's favorite uncle tore apart his previous PR, galloping home in a 67high split.

Praise should not be forgotten of Oz either, who riffed on love, life, and politics all the while completely a very respectable finish in the below freezing conditions. No bootage, mind the fossilized "Kraus marks" in lanes 5 & 6, a cast of characters, a starry-eyed prefrosh talking Jersey smack with Solomon, and late appearances by beer mile guru Divo and dark lord Lazarek."
-Jon Kraus