5th Annual Spring K-W BM (Ontario Championships)
Waterloo, ON
April 1, 2006

created by user mullet

Conditions: Cloudy, 4C, Windchill -1C, NW 24km/h gusting to 41km/h


Beer Mile

4 Beers, 4 Laps Stop and Drink, Then Run Full Mile 12oz Beers Open When Drunk 5% Alcohol Beer No Tampering Vomit Penalty Max 4oz Spillage


Race Site

Name Time Gender Age Beer Notes
1 Mike Logue 5:54.9 M 24 From Can Carling Black Label PB & Record (sub-6)
2 Dave Hutchinson 6:01.7 M 24 From Can Labatt 50 / Molson Canadian PB, breaks previous record
3 Adam Lalonde 6:37.5 M 24 From Can Labatt Genuine Draft Former champ
4 Scott Arnald 6:39.8 M 24 From Can Molson Export PB
5 Colin Lawrence 7:05.3 M 21 From Can Labatt 50 / Molson Canadian PB
6 Christopher Moulton 7:30.7 M 24 From Can Labatt Crystal Top Outside Competition
7 Ken McAlpine 7:37 M 34 Chocolate Milk Rookie, facility milk record!
8 Mark Linseman 7:42.8 M 21 From Can Carling Black Label / Lakeport Pilsner Borrowed beer
9 Steve Formaneck 8:18.4 M 26 Chocolate Milk Milk rookie, Breaks previous record
10 Emie Ukwuoma 8:33 M 21 From Can Labatt Genuine Draft PB, 1st sprinter
11 Katie Horricks 8:50 F 18 From Can Canadian Rookie, womens record (solo 4-beer)
12 Dustin Doan 8:59.5 M 23 From Can Schlitz 1st race of the year
13 Heather Austin 9:00 F 23 From Can Stella Artois 1st womens 3-beer
14 Kevin Smith 9:01.9 M 24 From Can Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale Dated & shitty?
15 Rob Bark 9:59.7 M 18 Chocolate Milk Rookie, breaks previous milk record
16 Dan Ritz 10:01 M 19 From Can Canadian Rookie, top mens b-mile debut
17 Toni Carlisle 10:33.7 F 21 From Can Moosehead Rookie, female bronze in debut
18 Adam Asquini 10:45.5 M 21 From Can Labatt Genuine Draft Rookie
19 Kirk Ewen 10:50.8 M 21 Chocolate Milk PB, previous milk champ
20 Ian Carswell 11:00.5 M 30 From Can Canadian
21 Mike Neilly 11:08.2 M 22 From Can Moosehead Rookie, top male skier
22 Shane Ferth 11:11.1 M 25 From Can Lakeport Pilsner Fastest penalty lap (60s)
23 Cleve Thorson 12:17.4 M 25 From Can Labatt Crystal Rookie?
24 Drew Haynes 12:17.6 M 23 From Can Canadian Drunken dash winner (11.8s)
25 Andrea Dupont 12:20.5 F 25 Chocolate Milk Female milk champ
26 Joel Sanderi 12:37.4 M 23 From Can Moosehead Rookie, international representation
27 Paulo Monte 13:13.8 M 26 From Can Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale Warm up for Toronto
28 Ryan Wight 14:18.6 M 19 From Can Canadian PB, 1st jumper
29 Andrew Lahey 15:19.8 M 19 From Can Canadian Rookie
30 Ian MacKinnon 16:48.3 M 23 From Can Moosehead Rookie
31 Colleen Forde 17:50.6 F 20 From Can Schlitz Rookie
32 Greg Hutchinson 17:50.8 M 23 From Can Labatt Crystal Rookie? Slowest fastest runner
33 Andrew MacDonald 18:31.8 M 21 From Can Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale Best male puke
34 Sarah Snable 19:56.3 F 24 From Can Labatt Blue PB
35 Surabhi Venkatesh 21:57.9 F 19 From Can Moosehead PB
36 Coel Findlay DNF M 20 From Can Lakeport Pilsner DQ - Bottles & Cans / spill
37 Nathan Palmer DNF M 19 From Can Canadian DQ - Bottles & Cans mixed (Corona)
38 Kate Bickle DNF F 21 From Can Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale DQ - Traded beers/poured out
39 Maddy Noble DNF F 21 From Can Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale DQ - Traded beers/poured out
40 Andrea Cousineau DNF F 20 From Can Carling Black Label Stopped after last beer
41 Laura Sardone DNF F 21 From Can Carling Black Label Fall champ, stopped after last beer!
42 Alex MacDonald DNF M 20 From Can Schlitz Stopped at beer 4
43 Tiffany Duncan DNF F 21 From Can Labatt Blue Stopped at beer 2
44 Colin Rhodes DNF M 21 Chocolate Milk Stopped after lap 2
45 Steve Kristensen DNF M 21 From Can Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale Stopped at beer 2
46 Brianne Deputter DNF F 21 From Can Labatt Blue Stopped at beer 1

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Race Notes:

This past Saturday, elite and extensive self-destruction and debauchery wreaked itself upon a black oval deep in the heart of south-western Ontario.

In the weeks heading up to the 5th annual spring KW BM, talk and invitations spread like wildfire. It came to a point where every Ontario institution and contender worth its running salt received news of the impending apocalypse. There was no choice but to crown the event the provincial championships... or perhaps the worlds?

This race was also dubbed the retirement party for one Mullet B. Miler, due to his varsity graduation. Much like the fall edition where he took gold but fell short of the record, this mullet had big plans and made it no secret: Sub-6 or broke. Many others issued threats, but only a few had the ability to push the tight short-long.

One such contender, HutchEZ of the home team, made a statement very early, taking the first lead with a commanding 9 second beer. His lead did not last long as the long-maned crooked-neck blasted off a 60s first quarter. The two top dawgs continued to trade leads like this in exciting fashion, as per their individual specialization, until the final intervals. The last beer was slammed back convincingly by both heavy weights, and they emerged from the fourth and final exchange zone in unison for the first time. This is when the muleteer? maximized his running advantage, and pulled away to yet another BM title.

This title was the sweetest of all though, as the mullet crossed the line in a meet record of 5:54.9. The most daunting of beer mile barriers had been shattered by over 5 seconds, as he posted a 10 second personal best. Pending approval, the mullet becomes the 7th fastest b-miler of all-time. Not to be outdone, HutchEZ crossed the line a mere stroke past the barrier, under the previous record and in a new PB of 6:01.7. This was sweet vengeance for Hutch, who's ego had taken a beating in the traditional predictions leading up to the race.

A record number of participants followed Mullet B. Miler and HutchEZ to b-mile stardom. 47 participants squeezed themselves onto the 8 lanes, of which 36 legitimately finished. The first of which was former champ and recent long distance convert Adam:L, who made the pilgrimage to represent Northern Ontario and was rewarded with the bronze. As a result, Adam bumped Scott the Snake out of the medals for virtually the first time all year. Despite less time to prepare for the event due to international commitments, the Snake nearly struck, closing in with a PB of 6:39 behind Adam's 6:37. Rounding out the top-6 B-milers were Caw-lon with a huge PB of 7:05, followed by a tnfnorth founding father in 7:30.

In the next overall position was another meet record, as Ken McA destroyed 2 litres of chocolate milk and a mile in 7:37. This acceptable non-alcoholic derivative to the b-mile is not only getting faster but growing exponentially in participation.

The women's race featured a return to respectability for KW women. BM rookie Katie took training to heart and crushed the previous meet record of 9:23. Her time of 8:50 has even more merit considering she moved up to 4-beer, and was the only female to do so.

Every record conceivable appears to have been smashed: Mens and womens records, milk mile record, participation records. Will beer miling ever be the same again with our provincial hosts? Will today's hero return to one day run and drink 4-beer again? Only time will tell...