| Name | Time | Sex | Beer | Notes |
| 1. | The Big Nasty | 5:38.9 | M | Budweiser, from can | New Unofficial Official World Record(pending verification) |
| 2. | Pier Man | 5:55.8 | M | Milwaukee Best, from can | Hes from Florida |
| 3. | Chief Tokem | 6:18.0 | M | Budweiser, from can | #1 Beaner(not from mexico) |
| 4. | Fuckin Canuck | 6:23.0 | M | Molston Canadian, from can | Hes Canadian |
| 5. | Old Man | 6:24.0 | M | Budweiser, from can | 1st loss ever |
| 6. | The Benji | 6:29.0 | M | Budweiser, from can | official (not the) Ivy League Recrd |
| 7. | Bacardi Bitch | 7:1.0 | M | Bacardi Silver Starwberry, from bottle | Fucking Bacardi Bitch |
| 8. | Oli verio | 7:18.0 | M | Hamms, from can | O yeah |
| 9. | Pear Bear | 7:25.0 | M | Budweiser, from bottle | Not trying out for the team |
| 10. | Notthe Actor | 7:36.0 | M | Budweiser, from can | Not the actor |
| 11. | Dee Bone-z | 7:40.0 | F | Budweiser, from can | Hella Hot |
| 12. | The Jew | 8:20.0 | M | Jewish/Milwaukeee, from can | Hes a shape shifter |
| 13. | BirdMan TheGallopingGhost | 9:18.0 | M | Milwaukee, from can | DFL |