Top 100 Performances, Age 69 and Up (Super Grand Hash Masters)
(not following "official" Kingston rules)
| Name (* official) | Time | Location | Race | Sex | Age | Beer | Notes | |
| 1. | Dana Slut | 7:09.0 | a dark place on a hill | 6th annual donkey punch beer mile | M | 69 | Busch, can | PR for a grandpa |
| 2. | Short Frankenstein | 7:11.0 | a dark place on a hill | 6th annual donkey punch beer mile | M | 69 | Busch, can | PR for an old man |
| 3. | Cali "Palm Tree Slut" Boy | 9:31.3 | A Dark Place On A Hill | Donkey Punch Beer Mile | M | 88 | Budweiser, can | You lost to a girl, 'nuff said |
| 4. | puke table "he has an AARP card" | 10:36.0 | Rochester, NY | the greater rochester beer mile | M | 69 | Diesles, can | RIT |
| 5. | Like Wo-Oh | 12:30.0 | a dark place on a hill | 6th annual donkey punch beer mile | M | 69 | Busch, can | last among competitors, first in masturbation ejaculation |
| 6. | Klitty Litter | 13:41.0 | Tucson, AZ | 2008 Tucson Thanksgiving Beer Mile | F | 69 | vodka and juice, cup | I don't think she's really that old |
| 7. | Johnny "Mountain Man" Jeans* | 14:09.0 | Seattle, WA | Seattle HHH First Beer Mile | M | 69 | Pabst Blue Ribbon, can | |
| 8. | Connie Shaw* | 17:00.0 | Victoria, BC | Third Annual Dave Smart Tribute B... | F | 78 | Kokanee, can |
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